I dreamt about S. for the third night in a row. I have no idea why. I won’t tell you the details because the dream events are chaotic, surreal in nature, with many jump-cuts and a complete lack of narrative continuity. The way most dreams are. I could never shape the retelling in a way that would make sense or be interesting to you. Plus, other people’s dreams are boring. For the same reasons I can’t retell my dreams in a way that makes them fascinating to you, you can’t interest me in your dreams.
The only thing of interest to me is that S. took central stage in each dream. S. first appeared in one of my dreams several weeks ago, and then twice last week, and now three times this week. I don’t know S. that well. We are on the periphery of each other’s social circles and run into each other at larger parties, barbecues, or other events where the list of invitees is wide. We’ve chatted casually at some of these events. At others, we haven’t even said hello.
So why is S. in my dreams? I can’t answer that. Maybe because I’ve been going through a period of grieving and loneliness recently and have been lacking connection with others, the kind of stuff that can be cyclical for me. But still, the question remains: Why S. and not someone else?
And then I saw S. at a fundraiser for the reelection of our town’s supervisor. It was held at a local country club in a large events space. Obviously there were a lot of like-minded people there. I spotted S. when I went up to the bar for a drink. I tried not to stare. In fact, I made a concentrated effort to look the other way because I didn’t think I could manage any type of conversation with S. I would be completely self-conscious. I’m not the most stony-faced person and my expression might give something away. I could never admit to S. the truth about my dreams. It would be too weird.
I got my drink and stood in line to shake hands with the supervisor and wish him good luck. I told him what a great job he was doing for the town. He’d implemented a raft of progressive policies I supported. He’d helped preserve hundreds of acres of forested land. His highway department always did a great job picking up leaves and clearing snow.
When I turned away from the supervisor, S. was standing right there. I had no choice but to engage in a conversation. It was superficial, as these chats tend to be, but all the time I’m trying not to stare and I’m thinking about my dreams and trying to square this person in front of me with what my dreams might mean.
I have no idea what they mean. Pick your poison. Freud said dreams represent wish fulfillment and often disguise unacceptable desires, usually sexual or aggressive. I hope that’s not the case. Jung said dreams are symbolically rich and reveal the psyche’s attempt to balance our conscious personality. Modern neuroscience notes that dreams emerge from neural processes that might help connect new memories to existing ones and may help regulate our waking emotions.
In actuality, there’s little scientific knowledge about why we dream what we dream.
I was about to get through my conversation with S. It was winding down naturally and we would soon drift off to talk with other people. But then S. says to me: You know, it’s strange I ran into you today because I had this dream about you last night.
