I’m rethinking an adage I’ve often believed in: you are what you do. The novelist Annie Dillard best encapsulated this concept when she wrote:
“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour, and that one, is what we are doing.”
Dillard reinforces the concept that our lives consist of what we do with our time. The word “do” places the spotlight on productivity, accomplishments, and (dare I say) external validation. “You finished your homework? You’re a good boy, David.”
Yet who doesn’t find satisfaction in completing a challenging project, checking items off the to-do list, or lending a helping hand to a friend or loved one? The sense of accomplishment can be downright euphoric.
This focus on doing creates an environment where we’re constantly trying to achieve, which adds performance pressure and can induce anxiety, because if we don’t accomplish, that means we’ve failed, and failure can lead to a lower sense of self-worth.
Do. Do. Do. Is that really the best approach to life? Maybe not. After all, as my friend Jim likes to say, we’re “human beings,” not “human doings.”
This distinction between doing and being was pointed out by another friend, Dominick, who coaches executive leaders and has developed a portfolio of “leadership distinctions”—a powerful collection of contrasts that can help drive personal and professional development. Distinctions such as Confidence vs. Courage, Fixed Mindset vs. Growth Mindset, Endurance vs. Resilience, and many others, including one in particular that got my attention: Doing vs. Being.
He defines Doing vs. Being as “the distinction between a leader’s actions (doing) and their quality of presence. Research suggests that up to 80 percent of leadership impact comes from non-verbal presence—energy, attention quality, and facial expressions—while only 20 percent comes from tasks or verbal communication.”
To be a positive, impactful leader (or human being), the key takeaway is: “I’ll know what to do when I’m being who I need to be.”
The sense of being turns the spotlight on inner values, self-awareness, and purpose, with self-worth determined more by who we are and not what we get done. Sure, we’ll still get stuff done, but our achievements aren’t driven by to-do lists or external forces and instead are shaped by values and life priorities.
I’m sure my interest in Doing vs. Being has a lot to do with getting older and accepting that time is running out. That reality drives my motivation and goals. I’ve often gotten up in the morning and asked myself: How can I make the best use of my time today?
In many cases, the answer to this question has led to a doing day: write one thousand words on the work-in-progress, fix the broken door, meet my client, go to the grocery store, spend an hour reading, get in a workout, cook dinner.
Sometimes I get it all done, other times not. At the end of the day, sometimes I feel good about what I accomplished, other times not.
Now that I’ve been reflecting on Doing vs. Being, I’m getting up in the morning and asking myself a different question: Who will I be today?
The answer is always a blended state of the best partner, father, friend, brother, writer, volunteer, building superintendent, groundskeeper, etc. that I can be.
Do I want to present as a good father today? Call the kids, express my love for them, and ask if there’s anything I can do for them.
Am I showing up as a writer today? Good choice. Spend the morning at my desk and see which projects in my queue inspire me.
Am I a free spirit today? Excellent. I’m going to have some fun.
When I choose my state of being before I set out to do anything, what I do feels more relevant and rewarding because it’s driven by my values and who I am.
Like most people, I reside on a continuum of Doing vs. Being, and I naturally lean one way or the other, depending on the circumstances of any given day.
What about you? Where do you fit in the Doing vs. Being distinction?
