What Sign Are You?


My transformation started innocently enough. I was scrolling through my news feed and came across this headline: “5 Zodiac Signs That Thrive Under Pressure.”

The last time I paid attention to my zodiac sign was probably fifty years ago—I’m a Capricorn (December 25)—when I would read my horoscope every morning in the long-defunct Buffalo morning newspaper, The Courier Express. It was fun. Not to be taken seriously. Astrology was on par with mood rings that change colors and the fortune-telling Magic 8 Ball, both of which I had as a kid.

But I’m always on the lookout for fresh (or retro) forms of inspiration and new ways to live my life and find meaning and purpose. Some embrace Buddhism or other spiritual practices. Some become do-gooders. Others go all-out hedonistic. But no matter what system of living we embrace, whether we’re idealists or anarchists, who among us doesn’t want to thrive under pressure?

Could Capricorns be known for thriving under pressure? I clicked the link. Oh grace and blessings! We Capricorns are indeed one of the 5 zodiac signs that thrive under pressure. Not only that, we were the first ones listed:

“The worker ant of the zodiac, Capricorn is too focused and goal-oriented to get sidelined, waylaid, or distracted by obstacles or inconveniences. If anything, they use stressful circumstances like a pressure cooker uses steam—it’s just more energy to burn, more high-octane gasoline to propel them to the finish line more quickly. Being an Earth sign makes them more fundamentally grounded, and being ruled by Saturn gives them their pragmatic work ethic. Being problem-solvers by nature gives them the austere and above-it-all sense to never create extra problems by freaking out over the difficulties that face them.

Boy did I feel good reading that. I think the Babylonians were on to something. Those folks, who were based in Mesopotamia (modern-day Iraq), are credited with developing one of the earliest astrological systems around 2000 BCE. They believed that celestial events and the positions of planets and stars held significance for human affairs.

Maybe I was becoming a believer too.

I decided I’d better check my horoscope for today. That’s when I realized there are many places to do so.

First, I went to horoscope.com, which had this to say about Capricorn:

You may feel tense, Capricorn, perhaps because someone close to you disregards the way you feel. You feel as if this person is more concerned with his or her own issues and not concerned about you. Meanwhile, your sensitive, caring heart is well aware of everyone else. You support others and are thoughtful. It’s time to rearrange your priorities. First care about yourself, then others.

You know, that made a lot of sense. I do think there is someone close to me who might be more concerned with their own issues than they are with mine. How selfish is that? I almost, but not quite, clicked on the link to speak to a live expert (not a dead one). A ten-minute chat was only $1.99.

First I decided I’d better do a fact check on my horoscope, so I went to that Murdoch rag The New York Post to see what they had to say about Capricorn today:

Don’t go along with other people’s plans just because they ask you to. The planets warn this is one of those occasions when you cannot be sure what their motives are, still less their long-term aims, so for your own good you need to be wary. 

I’m starting to get suspicious that other people may not have my best interests in mind.

But can I trust the right-wing Post? I’d better check the left-wing post—The Washington Post.

I was a little puzzled to find horoscopes listed under the entertainment section, but I pushed aside that cognitive dissonance. Here you go, Capricorn:

Instead of being annoyed by all of the eccentric energy that’s abundant in your day, you are going to be inspired by it. Not knowing exactly what’s going to happen next will spark your creativity and help you start a few new social endeavors you’ve been contemplating for so long. It might be time to join that club, check out that nightclub, or explore a new neighborhood that’s supposed to be great for people-watching. You’ve got the right attitude to discover something new.

I was starting to get a little confused. Start a few new social endeavors? I thought I was supposed to be wary and put myself first.

One more try and I’m sure everything will be stitched together. Astrology.com:

Do whatever your heart feels is right this morning, dear Capricorn, as the Virgo moon connects with Chiron. Although difficult decisions may be on the horizon, the universe will find ways to guide and support you. Luckily, you’ll have a chance to forget about your worries as afternoon rolls in and Uranus activates your solar fifth house, triggering a playful and exciting ambiance. A spiritual element will also come into play, so be sure to invest your time in bonding with kindred spirits. Sweetness will permeate the air this evening when Luna blows a kiss to Venus, putting you in the mood for love. 

Now I understand—and feel a whole lot better and confident in how to go about my day. That’s because the Virgo moon connects with Chiron and Uranus activates my solar fifth house and Luna blows a kiss to Venus.

Look out life, I’m going to be living you today!

What’s your sign?

By David Klein

David Klein

Published novelist, creative writer, journalist, avid reader, discriminating screen watcher.


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